Memory Practice 2


Memory, Choice


'If I could return to that moment, could I make a different decision?'

A wanted to escape the memory of someone. When exactly had it started to spread through his mind?
It was impossible for him to pinpoint its origin and, at the same time, impossible to understand,
accept, or embrace it without any resistance. Sometimes, covering up what one cannot understand
might be the right choice. Returning to the time when, before the beginning of the memory, he 
wanted to stay in the moment when he hadn’t met her before. In the moment when they passed each
other at a rapid pace, like strangers destined never to meet again in their lives.  But even if
he were back to that moment, he would have no authority to change the situation. It wasn’t that
simple.

People at that moment begin their conversation for unknown reasons. Sometimes those conversations 
end as soon as they begin, while at other times, they linger unresolved, leaving a sense of irony 
and unease. In such situations, though he tried to sustain himself through it all, he found himself 
projecting something that projected him. At the same time, he was endlessly losing pieces of himself. 
They were being peeled away from his skin, piece by piece. Would he be free if he lost it all?

This is the story of the memory and the relationship and connections. He had been searching for
something in an endless tunnel, wandering as he struggled to understand the meaning of releasing
everything. 

‘Ironically, I wonder how naturally I could have accepted those anomalous circumstances. Was the
person I captured in my memory someone from the past, someone from the present, or something
endlessly transforming’

B longs for the feeling of being submerged.  It is a gradual sinking below the surface. Someday,
when everything reaches the bottom, she believes she will embrace it as a part of her life. No
one knows what it means for something to fully settle at the bottom. No one knows what it means
for something to become its most natural state after passing through moments of unnaturalness.
Only after the periods of intention disappear and fail it sinks into its most natural state. To
arrive at this understanding, countless days come and go in her life. She swallows the
contradictions of memory and places her personal state of memory aside. While her feelings still
come and go in her life, the trivial moments shake her life. 

'Reflecting on death itself seems to be a way for me to get closer to my emotions.'

She has grown accustomed to leaving behind what she cannot grasp, watching it instead from a
distance. 

Memory spreads without purpose or reason. Sometimes, it is a toxin, yet also a cure. It changes
with the weather and shifts with emotion. Sometimes, it creates things that could never be
remembered. It conjures images of things that never existed at all. We experience collisions with
these images.